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The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame.
- Oscar Wilde -

The Bathtub Test - a joke

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Valentina Tenedini

    During an inspection to a psychiatric hospital the visiting manager asked the superintendent how they found out if someone needed to be hospitalized.
    'You see?' the superintendent replied 'we fill a bath tub and then give the patients a teaspoon, a mug and a bucket and ask them to empty it...'
    'Oh, I see! - the inspector replied ' a normal person would use the bucket for the purpose, being it the largest object...'
    'Not really' the superintendent replied ' a NORMAL person would simply take the stopper off! We just so happen to have a room available for you, would you prefer the bed near the window?'
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JOKES APART – a school project

ico_contributilogo_trasparenteValentina Tenedini

Questa divertente e stimolante attività riesce a coinvolgere gli studenti in un'operazione che non è solo di traduzione linguistica ma anche culturale attraverso la traduzione di battute, barzellette e scherzi.

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A Christmas Joke

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Valentina Tenedini

Two children talking in December:

"Do you believe in Santa with his reindeer?"

 

"No longer since the Easter Bunny told me two of them are horses with fake antlers!"

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A "Mixed Type Conditional" Joke

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Valentina Tenedini

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven 

1st woman: Hi, Wanda!

2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you did not look in the freezer - If you had, now we'd both still be alive' .

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Tourist’s Blunders Jokes

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Valentina Tenedini

Holiday is a typical subject for conversation, when school resumes and it gives us, EFL teachers, the opportunity to teach our classes language and expressions which will come in handy when our pupils travel.

I often entertain my students with the blunders we foreigners may make, so here you have a few examples.

To be continued - Enjoy!

 

An Italian abroad #1

An Italian tourist is in a Us steak house

Can I take your order? – the waiter asks

Yes, please, I’ll have a steak - as the waiter is about to leave the Italian adds, ‘and please, well cooked!’

-We always cook well, man! The waiter replies, while the Italian wonders what he said wrong…

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Helen's ESL Jokes - EnglishClub.com

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http://www.englishclub.com/esl-jokes/helens-esl-jokes.htm

Helen Baker propone in questa sezione del sito EnglishClub.com un elenco parallelo di barzellette in inglese in versione "ripulita" adatta ad un pubblico di studenti e in versione "originale", naturalmente più ricca di espressioni idiomatiche.

R.G.

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Jokes and Games - ManyThings.org

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http://www.manythings.org/

Il sito ManyThings.org si propone come un database di materiali di varia natura, tutti dedicati all'insegnamento e all'apprendimento della lingua inglese.

In particolare suggeriamo la sezione Vocabulary, che propone giochi linguistici di vario tipo, dalle parole crociate ai puzzles e soprattutto la sezione Jokes in cui una discreta quantità di divertenti barzellette sono accompagnate dal supporto audio, costituendo così un buon esercizio di listening.

R.G.

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Instant Online Crossword Puzzle Maker

icona_etools http://en.puzzle-maker.com/crossword_Entry.cgi

Questo semplice sito costituisce davvero un utilissimo strumento per realizzare delle parole crociate con il lessico che si intende verificare. Basta inserire le parole e le definizioni e il programma realizza da solo gli "incroci" e la conseguente numerazione.

Per un esempio su come utilizzarlo, vi suggeriamo di consultare l'attività "The Ugly Duckling" disponibile su questo sito.

R.G.

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The other line - a joke

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Valentina Tenedini

 

A man sees a distinguished looking man outside a church, the man has a dog on a leash beside him and 2 lines of people waiting before him.

    The onlooker gets curious and decides to approach the distinguished man, pretending to pay his respect to him, by the shorter line.
    "I am terribly sorry for your loss, sir"
    "My wife..." sighs the man
    "Did she die of some illness?"
    The widower sighs and, with a look of deep desperation in his eyes, he answers "The dog devoured her".
    Quickly recovering from the shock, he says "Ehr sir, I was wondering, could I borrow it for a while, please?"
    "Then you must stand in the other line and wait for your turn."
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Red Riding Hood - a joke

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Valentina Tenedini

...And finally having walked through the forest and having met the wolf Little Red-riding hood arrives at her granny's home, she opens the door and finds her in bed:

    "Granny, how big your ears are... and Granny, how big your eyes are.... and Granny, look at size of your mouth..."
    And the granny replies: "Child, have you just come to criticise or what?"
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Superman - a joke

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Valentina Tenedini

 

    Two men go to the cinema to see the latest Superman film. As soon as the superhero appears on the big screen one of the two calls to the other: "Hey!"
    "Wha'?"
    "I thought that supeman was much bigger..."
    "Why?"
    "He only wears an S"

 

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The Mum Qualification Exam - a true story

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Valentina Tenedini

    As I was walking with my youngest child she picked up something from the ground and was about to put it in her mouth when I quickly prevented her from doing so, telling her not to do such a thing again.
    "Why?" she asked, startled.
    "You don't know where that thing may come from, it is dirty and full of germs". I replied.
    My daughter commented: "Oh mum, you're so clever, how come you know all those things?"
    I immediately replied "Well, any mum does, it's part of the exam we take to become 'qualifed mother'. If you don't pass it, you cannot be a mum".
    We continued walking quietly for a couple of minutes over which my daughter pondered the information she had just been given.... "Oh, I see now! If you fail the exam then you can be a dad!"
    "That's right!" I replied smiling.
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Obama and his Wife - a joke

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Valentina Tenedini

    Some say that the US President, Barak Obama, took his wife out to dinner one night and, wishing to do something unusual, picked up an ordinary restaurant, not a fancy one. While they were having dinner, the restaurant's owner reached the bodyguards and asked them to let him go to greet the president's wife, which he was given permission to do.
    Once the man had left, Obama asked Michelle: "Why was that man so eager to come and say hello to you?"
    His wife replied: "When I was young, he was in love with me for a long time."
    The president said: "Oh, that means that if you had married him, now you'd be the owner of this place!"
    Michelle replied: "No, honey ... If I had married that man, now he would be the current US president!"
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The Penguin - a joke

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Valentina Tenedini

    A man was walking down the street with a penguin.
    "Where are you going with that penguin?" A policeman asked him.
    "I’m not sure, what do you suggest?"
    "You must take it to the zoo, of course!"
    "Oh ,yes, I took him there yesterday", said the man "He didn’t like it much, so today I think we’ll go to the cinema."
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